There has been a shift in the seasons; the mildness of spring has given way to the blistering heat of summer. For whatever reason, this shift stirs a change in the souls of otherwise intelligent men. Call it “rut”, “peacocking”, or “conquesting”, but many of the male persuasion believe that by donning skimpy shorts, they will be able to woo their fellow patrons of public pools and water parks. As we approach this summer season, let us temper our moods by considering some epic June failures.
The Seven Days Battles were fought between June 25 and July 1, 1862. The Union General, George B. McClellan was a principled man, and supported the just cause of the North. A brilliant tactician, however, he was not. He engaged the South near Richmond, Virginia, and over the next seven days lost 16,000 men. General Robert E. Lee pushed McClellan back to the James River, and relative safety. Was McClellan’s cause noble? Absolutely! Did his desire for conquest end in embarrassment? Alas, it did. One can only assume that from that point on, any attempt at ambition was met with a “Remember Richmond” by his wife.
June 18th will mark the 202nd anniversary of the Battle of Waterloo. The French army was led by one of the most brilliant Generals to ever live, Napoleon Bonaparte (though to be fair, he would’ve had to shop for his Speedo in the Junior’s section). Bonaparte’s army was met by two armies: the Seventh Coalition led by the Duke of Wellington, and a Prussian army led by Gebhard Leberecht von Blucher. Bonaparte fought bravely, and was close to victory, but ultimately he lost to a duke from a town named after boots and a guy whose last name makes horses whinny.
Brethren, let us learn from the mistakes of our forebears. Ego does not equate to conquest. A lack of inhibition does not a lover make! Before you reach for that suntan lotion, strap on your mankini, and assault us with your visual crimes, remember the epic embarassment of McClellan and Bonaparte.
Not to worry, however, Provident Metals has provided a way for you to enjoy a summer conquest. We are giving away an MS70 Antiqued Conquest 1 oz Silver Round! Want to enter? Simply tell us about your epic summer failure by the end of the day on June 25th, or lie about some conquest if you’d rather. We won’t judge… The winner will be announced on June 26th.
I am working on buying a claim, however due to weather will have to wait tell next summer.
Congrats to our winner, Zach! You will be contacted shortly with details about your prize.
To everyone else, please enter next month’s giveaway to try your luck once more!
Thank you to all of you at Provident for having the contest! I’m so glad I won and I really appreciate it!
Sincerely, Zach
Congrats Zach! We hope you enjoy your silver!
Hitting the wrong lever on an overhead radio crane and spilling a few thousand pounds of marble sized nickel balls all over the floor below a 20 Ton furnace. Not to mention almost taking out my operator too.
I went to Georgia for a wild boar hunting.while in the woods my first encounter was with a five foot rattlesnake that struck the lower portion of my leg..After three days in the hospital I decided to try the hunt again..Positioned on the ground near a swamp a boar around 200 pounds came in close for a shot.it was a good shot but the tenacity of the critter was overwhelming he spun around charged me Knocking me to the ground..I had ripped jeans and blood pouring out my leg.. With help I managed to get to the truck and back to the hospital..After surgery any another week in the hospital..I decided the best way to enjoy the best was to go to a pork barbeque restaurant and eat till I couldn’t take another bite..Next summer I believe I will just go fishing
I work at rent a center in my hometown, and some of the customers we get aren’t very, shall we say, contributing to society. So about a week ago, I’m in the back office having an off day and I thought the boss had gone home and I started talking crap about her and how she runs our store like a kindergarten class and she happened to be in the office right next to me and heard the whole thing. Needless to say, she and I don’t really see eye to eye anymore hahaha.
Lobster man, we were in Central American the country of Honduras working with the Honduran Army repairing roads and new school houses when one of my fellow soldiers decided that a volley ball game in the middle of the day would be great. So we all gathered together and played. By the end of the afternoon we were all tired and ready to relax. Well one of my friends had decided to not wear a shirt while we played and by the end of the games he was beat red. By the time we were all getting ready for bed he walked in the tent in such great pain. His back was one large blister and growing. By the time morning came he could not move and we all took turns taking care of him for the next two days keeping cool water on soft towels on his back. He could only lay on his stomach. He would not eat and only got up to go to the bathroom and drink water. By the third day he was able to come out and work with us but when he did all those blisters broke and people would come up and ask him why he was sweating so much. We all new why but no one would say.
We dropped a 454 in a ’68 Camaro, it was a nice ride and a hot weekend in June, the vest next weekend we (2 other friends) took it out ‘cruising’ We were challenged at a stoplight by a ’69 Impala. The race was on.
We pulled away and passed him, but lost control of the car and wrecked . It was totaled. Thank God we only suffered a few cuts and bruises. Lesson learned. Never raced again. Sure wish we had that car back.