There has been a shift in the seasons; the mildness of spring has given way to the blistering heat of summer. For whatever reason, this shift stirs a change in the souls of otherwise intelligent men. Call it “rut”, “peacocking”, or “conquesting”, but many of the male persuasion believe that by donning skimpy shorts, they will be able to woo their fellow patrons of public pools and water parks. As we approach this summer season, let us temper our moods by considering some epic June failures.
The Seven Days Battles were fought between June 25 and July 1, 1862. The Union General, George B. McClellan was a principled man, and supported the just cause of the North. A brilliant tactician, however, he was not. He engaged the South near Richmond, Virginia, and over the next seven days lost 16,000 men. General Robert E. Lee pushed McClellan back to the James River, and relative safety. Was McClellan’s cause noble? Absolutely! Did his desire for conquest end in embarrassment? Alas, it did. One can only assume that from that point on, any attempt at ambition was met with a “Remember Richmond” by his wife.
June 18th will mark the 202nd anniversary of the Battle of Waterloo. The French army was led by one of the most brilliant Generals to ever live, Napoleon Bonaparte (though to be fair, he would’ve had to shop for his Speedo in the Junior’s section). Bonaparte’s army was met by two armies: the Seventh Coalition led by the Duke of Wellington, and a Prussian army led by Gebhard Leberecht von Blucher. Bonaparte fought bravely, and was close to victory, but ultimately he lost to a duke from a town named after boots and a guy whose last name makes horses whinny.
Brethren, let us learn from the mistakes of our forebears. Ego does not equate to conquest. A lack of inhibition does not a lover make! Before you reach for that suntan lotion, strap on your mankini, and assault us with your visual crimes, remember the epic embarassment of McClellan and Bonaparte.
Not to worry, however, Provident Metals has provided a way for you to enjoy a summer conquest. We are giving away an MS70 Antiqued Conquest 1 oz Silver Round! Want to enter? Simply tell us about your epic summer failure by the end of the day on June 25th, or lie about some conquest if you’d rather. We won’t judge… The winner will be announced on June 26th.
Went through a drive thru the other day, paid and then drove off without my food. Realized my mistake half way home.
Summer of 1984, just graduated high school and I had a ticket to go see the Scorpions Rock Band play, the general admission ticket cost $13. I had to work late that day and was not able to get out work in time to go see the show. $13 down the tubes.
I woke up one day to discover the police at my door. I knew nothing of what they wanted so I opened the door. A former friend who I had no longer been speaking to file a false police report on me. She claimed I flashed a weapon at her. So I got to find out that the law is more interested in arresting you based on somebody else’s word (whether true or not). I am still fighting this battle and it has been expensive but there does seem to be a light at the end of the tunnel. At the end of this month of June I should be having it all finished with no charges. It has been a big life change on trusting people…I didn’t trust people before and now I don’t even trust people to open the door to my house whether they are the police or anyone else besides family….MAYBE. Everyone is suspect in my book forever and always now. I stack silver the best I can so that I can squirrel away funds for an uncharted future. This may not be a fun summer adventure but it has been a life changer that was a scary adventure but I will be content to see it all wrap up so I can continue to stack silver as a savings to move on with my life maybe in another State or Country someday. Thank you.
I tried working out … EPIC FAIL … gimme silver …
I started investing in silver and gold in 2011/// enough said.
I knew I should have put a belt on, or carried a backpack! Getting ready for the church picnic last year and of course, shorts were the pants of choice… Decided quickly that I would forgo my belt in the interest of comfort… So there we all were, lined up for the piggy-back race – Almost 30 guys with their kids, or in my case grand daughter, on the starting line. Ready-Set-Go and we were off… I took three steps and swoosh – my shorts shot down to my ankles. And to make matters worse, we had already gained some momentum and couldn’t stop dead in our tracks, so we toppled over, my underwear up. The crowd watching thought it was the most entertaining race they had ever witnessed… I did not…
I was a truck driver for 20 years. I was on the road 2 to 3 months at a time because I have a lot of kids and wife stayed home to care for them. Took my oldest daughter at the time she was 4 on the road with me for 2 weeks, Not only was it a great experience as a father but a great learning experience as well. we went from the east coast to california and texas. We even took a day trip into mexico for shopping adventures. Any way 3 days before we get back home my daughter manages to get sick from something she ate down in mexico and spent the last 3 days puking inside the truck and inside of a 5 gallon bucket with a trash bag. Ever try smelling puke for 3 days in 90+ degree weather and driving 5 hours at a clip with it before you could stop… 5 hours driving empty bucket 5 more hours empty bucket.. Fun is not the word for that experience. Then on the next to last day the A/c in the truck quit working and my daughter spilled the entire contents of the porta potty by accident onto the carpeted floor of my truck no A/C and temps outside of the truck at 97 degrees.. it took a solid week of deep cleaning the carpet too get rid of that smell. in contrast it only took 2100.00 dollars to fix the A/c. True story folk’s. Oh yeah and then 2 days of listening to the wife fuss saying you should have stopped and gotten a hotel room until the A/c was fixed and your daughter felt better.. Sorry honey she was safe and in A/c until it broke and had lots of water and 3 meals a day.. She even had clean clothing and a bed to sleep in. Not to mention Ice cream at every truckstop thanks to the waitresses anyway that’s my story.
Oh and one more thing some jackass ran over my dog while we were on that trip.
I’ll be working so I can buy more products from Provident!!!!!!
Thanks
Years ago, I woke up and was texting with my gf about the night.before and how annoying a particular roommate was. A week later, my roommate wanted to talk to me and it turned out one of those texts had gone to him, which he had woken up to.
Saved up over some time to take the family to Disney World. The trip there, across country, went fine but the whole 4 days we were there it rained and rained and rained. Not the happiest place on earth for our family!
I attached our tiny camp trailer to our old mid-size SUV rather than our truck for a weekend trip because we thought it would be more comfortable and would save a few bucks in gas. I didn’t pay attention to the fact that the back end of our rig was totally rusted out. So now we are out the money from the tow company, the insurance deductible, and the cost of a “new” old pop-up trailer if we want one.
It was the summer of 1974. We took a borrowed boat across Lake Tahoe to Zephyr’s Cove. It was a beautiful summer day, until four pm. Low and behold, the winds picked up as did the current. Within fifteen minutes, the boat was taking on water and half submerged. To make a very long story very short, we solicited assistance from a local game warden and were taken to safety!!
Put six shots of espresso into my coffee. Had to drive 3 hrs to San Francisco. Mid trip my stomach didn’t feel to well. Let’s just say I had to buy new boxers and shorts at target to continue my trip. LOL!
My summer failure happened last week when I decided to get in the pool not realizing that my phone was still in my pocket. It didn’t surprise me that I did something like that.
Obviously I need help
Spraying roundup up on the lawn thinking it would only kill the dandelions. Now i have a dirt yard.!!!! Dont have to mow the rest of the summer #madwife.
For the last 6 weeks I’ve been trying to loose some extra pounds thanks to an underactive thyroid and being 55. You eat right and drink lots of water to flush everything out of your system and stay hydrated as your eating less calories. Maybe I’m just to cheep but spending $1.69 on a few 20oz. bottles of water every day just isn’t something I do. Well this week, I fainted in a Lowes food grocery store and was EMS’s to the emergency room at Wake Med. After 6 hours of all kinds of tests and x-rays and CT scans and almost $13,000.00 in bills, the doctor hooked me up to two bags of IV fluid and told me I was extremely dehydrated and drink plenty of water. I guess that $1.69 bottle of water wasn’t so bad after all.
Found out how my crush truly felt about me. Too bad she told everyone but never told me face to face. Perhaps it would have hurt less if she did.
I let my grass grow in an attempt to let the wildflowers reach seeding, only to realize it’s true look when bringing home company to stay the weekend.
Not everyone saw the beauty in a shaggy and lumpy green carpet outside my door.
I had practiced all week for a bass tournament. I had everything planned perfectly. I headed to my spot and the fish were there! I started culling by 10 in the morning and had over 20 lbs of fish. At 1 in the afternoon I decided to head back only to find that my boat wouldn’t start and I was six miles away from the dock/weigh in. Long story short, a guy pulled me back 4 hours after the tournament was over. I would have won but by the time I showed up everyone had packed up and left.
Went on an epic camping trip with friends. On a short hike, I fractured my ankle, caught a wicked case of poison ivy and my son took a tumble over some roots and busted his head and arm up pretty good. I bandaged us all up, fashioned a crutch out of a tree branch, made a sling for my boys arm, and made it back to camp. I’m told that as we approached we looked like we had just come from that battle at Richmond. Bloodied and limping. Now every time we go camping someone plays a fife and drum march on their phone…..I need better friends.
Belly flop in my parents pool. I’m almost 50 years old and getting too old for belly flops.
Failed to take my gout medicine before or after a crab bake. I cant fit into my work boots.
Be work to much to enjoy my summer
Her name was April. I met here in May. I quit my part time job to spend more time wooing her in June. By mid July she was dating my former best friend. I barely left the house at all in August. Thankfully school started again in September and that was when I met June.
Working 6 days a week and not taking a vacation!
I had a goal of ‘conquesting’ at 14 of the 14ers (mountains to climb in Colorado that are over 14,000 feet in elevation) and fractured my foot jumping off the tailgate of the truck at the base of my first hike, thus putting out of commission for the season
I quit a good job for more money else where but then had to return and beg for my old job back.
Every summer working on the railroad, is a “summer failure”. I long for the days, before this wretched job took all my fun time away!
I ‘failed’ to buy any cyptocurrencies choosing instead to buy silver. I’m such a moron!
Lol
My epic summer failure…I let my girlfriend paint my toenails. Why do girls want to do that? Anyway I went outside barefoot in front of the boys and alas, I had forgotten about my gold sparkling tootsies. I played it off well but it made my cheeks red I’m sure! Have a laugh fellas!